I am SO exited at literally EVERYTHING!  

I sure can tell a difference in "life" when my energy changes.  Last month my most awesome boyfriend treated us to our first real vacation in beautiful, sunny Florida for 9 days.  I have found that my "mind" interferes with everything.  It promotes the "negative energy" thoughts, thoughts of failure, money issues, stressors, breaking down every little thing.  I have learned that I HAVE to get out of my mind and when I stay in my heart, life is so perfect!  Decisions are easier, as I follow my heart and my sixth sense/intuition.  I realize that I cannot exist both in my mind (intellect/ego) and my heart at the same time.  My mind wants to control.  My heart knows no control, and I just "am".  I am accepting of myself and others.  My mind brings judgement and expectation of disappointment.  My heart knows that everything is perfect as it is.  That everything happens as it should, as it is meant to be.  And we cannot control that!

The only bad thing about vacation was coming home! lol  It was so nice to forget everything and just "be".  Once home I had a huge energy shift and apparently was so "open" after some serious "soul" work and being with nature/free, that re-adjusting was a huge thing for me.  On top of that it was an eclipse & new moon.  Whew!  The wonderful thing is that I have learned how to "disconnect" myself from everything (people, computers, phones) and my down time is no longer "hiding" but is now a way for me to shift my vibration back up, focus on cutting cords, releasing anything I have picked up and clear my energy field.  What a huge difference from the girl who ran from everything and needed alcohol to escape from everything, not realizing that was opening me up more and making it all worse/compounded.  Good thing is that it was part of my journey, didn't kill me (came close a few times), and I was able to transcend that to a higher realm.

I have been reading (yes, the girl who does not read has been a book junkie).  Reading everything I can get my hands on.  I am hungry for knowledge for the first time ever.  I absorb everything there is on the spiritual level.  I am like a sponge.  I have clarity for the first time as to my soul purpose.  No more confusion, floundering about.  I am focused and thank my guides for helping me grow and achieve everything in order to do my work and to help others. I am truly blessed.
 
 
Wow, do I have a lot to blog to catch up! Talk about things that happen for a reason. First, let me state that my entire life has done a complete 180/360 since I last posted.  I am not even the same person as I was then, not even close!

I had intended on taking this blog down, as I am not in the same place as before, and I had gotten so far behind.  Then, out of the blue, I get a "weekly" blog report where someone posted a reply on this blog.  What is so "funny" is that I took this blog down a couple months ago, and the "subject" that they replied to is gone! Now, how's that for synchronicity?  

Sooooo, I will do my best to "start" the catching up, the day before I have to go offline for 10 days!  I promise to get this caught up soon, but I have been through so many WONDERFUL changes, it is definitely going to take awhile to do so!

Everything I described as a "problem" before in my blog posts, are no longer a problem.  I see and understand so much now, and the lower vibrational issues are no longer an issue, because I am no longer there.  I am so stubborn and hard-headed, those who watched me "suffer" through my issues over the last year or more who were more enlightened, didn't bother to tell me what my problems were! (I will explain the reason later.)  First, I would not have listened! I could not even have attempted to comprehend at that time.  What I experience now, is not something you can explain easily and furthermore, one must experience it themself, which is why we have these processes.  Even as I type, I find it hard to explain, but I will try.  Please understand that nothing I say in here is judgmental of anyone else, this is truly about what I have experienced and learned.  BUT, so many will identify with it, it may trigger MANY emotions as you read this.  The first is usually anger or to call me crazy. So be it.  Those who are ready, will keep reading, and those who are not, will stop along the way as they "react" to what I write.  For those who keep reading because they do want to understand and learn, I will do my best!

There is a phenomenal website that covers possibly everything I am going to discuss on here.  The reason I love that website, is because it is the first website I have found that covers everything to do with about every topic spiritually, especially the awakening process/signs, which I totally did not understand until recently.  Until I can get the hyperlink to work here, I will just have to post the website url for you to copy & paste yourself. http://www.in5d.com

I had far greater issues and problems than I listed on here.  Some because I was not proud of them, and they were bigger than me at the time.  Now those who know me, know that I am a tough, strong-willed individual.  I am a huge tom-boy with a big feminine side.  I am very analytical and had a crazy wild side.  My gifts are gifts, and what I do with my life is up to me.  

I no longer suffer from anxiety, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, migraines, etc. (ascension symptoms).    "Negative" energies no longer affect me in a negative way.  I can shield them "naturally" on my own.  I can usually tell the difference between my "stuff" and someone else's.  I am very aware of myself and other people/things, and am now very protective of my energy and space.  My gifts have grown tremendously, and yet I have not even scratched the surface of what I can do.  As I grow, they grow.  I am never given any more than I can handle.  And it is up to me to "own" my own crap, use it to grow even more, and hopefully help others along the way.  The difference is now I am able to help others without it being a detriment to my own well-being.  I recognize those who want help, and those who use it as an excuse to continue to be a victim.  I don't have patience for those who wish to play a game.  It is not up to me to save the world.  It is up to me to help those who are ready.  I am of no use to anyone else, if I don't take care of me first!  This is not selfish, this is necessary for all of us to grow and help others.

My awakening has happened quite fast compared to some.  It is like I am expediting through the process, but I can handle the transition.  I welcome all changes that come my way and greet them positively!  I am not sure what quite "caused" it to occur, other than it was just time for me.  I do believe that many of us have to hit "rock" bottom or bottom out before we can start to climb up on our own.  I do attribute the neurofeedback as the first thing I can pinpoint as a turning point for me.  I am not so sure that the other things would have followed (or as soon at least) if I had not done the neurofeedback.  Honestly, I probably would have killed myself (accidentally) with alcohol.  I was on the fast track to that, in super self-sabotage mode, without realizing it.  Actually, I didn't realize anything I was going through as what it really was.  Hopefully I do now.  I have learned that much or most of the time we don't understand things until later, if ever.  My hopes and expectations are that I understand "before" now, by "listening", "feeling" and "paying attention" to the signs and information I get.  I know this may sound "cryptic" but explaining is going to be difficult with words. I understand it internally, and am trying to put it to words so that others may understand it to.  Remember, at all times we are responsible for ourselves, and we always have free-will.  We may be pre-destined, but how we get there is subject to our own free-will.  

My ultimate goal is to help others.  I have learned that I could not help another with the condition I was in at the time.  Yes, I could write about my pain and problems.  Many can identify with that.  We all "operate" at lower vibrations when we are experiencing pain & anguish, negative energies, etc and by doing so, operate in "victim" and/or "savior" mode without even realizing it.  I was SO in both modes, which is why I think it was so hard for me to see it.  I NEVER would have labeled myself a victim.  I was too strong, to damn stubborn to be a victim.  I was a survivor.  I had survived some of the worst things possible in this physical-body life! What I didn't realize was that I was "operating" in that mode, subconsciously.  I also had the need to save everyone.  So I had become the perfect enabler.  By doing so, I also became the victim, because I kept getting used and betrayed by everyone I entrusted to me to try to help, but what I didn't realize is that I was continually attracting that kind of energy by the energy I was transmitting.  I (with a capital I) searched out everyone that needed saving and volunteered myself, usually to my own detriment, to save them.  Then I got angry, when they betrayed me or failed at getting better.  Many betrayed me (not really, but that is the way I saw it), because they were so messed up and it was NOT my responsibility to save them.  They didn't want saving. They wanted someone to "abuse" with their narcissistic behaviors... and I was perfect for that.  It was a vicious cycle.  I looked at their failure as my own, and I wasn't angry with them, but myself for failing.  I set the entire situation in motion when I swooped in to "save" them to start with!  Boy was that a hard one to realize and break! 

Now, on the more drastic things.  I didn't realize that being a work-a-holic was a type of addiction.  When I got laid off, I switched addictions.  I smoked, I drank and to the extreme, without control.  Sad to say, it controlled me.  I had never been a drinker or smoker, long term.  I had "bouts" here and there.  I could look back and see that when I went through a dramatic break-up, even though I was happy about the break-up, I turned to both to get through it.  Then I lost my job, ended another marriage, and again started with the smoking and started drinking here and there.  But then something happened that I had never experienced.  I do believe that my "abilities" exacerbated things, as I saw that they were "magnified" when I was drinking.  Duhh, I was wide-open with no defenses!  I smoked and drank worse as a reaction to those abilities, which alcohol intensifies.  When I drank I smoked more.  As the gifts intensified, the more I drank to escape (not realizing I was causing that problem too!).  Another vicious cycle.  There were many occasions where I would drink until I was unconscious.  I fell, broke my nose, busted my face really bad one time.  I got a couple concussions other different times.  I was always waking up with busted body parts and no idea how those things happened.  It was truly sad, but I had to experience that to learn from it and grow.  I literally wondered many times how I had not killed myself from alcohol poisoning, as I had drank soooooooooo much the night before that a normal person would not have survived that.  I still don't know how to this day, other than being protected by my guides and it not being my time to go, that I am still here. I am lucky and thankful for that! (Later I will go into the role that unconditional love of another for me played in my growth processes). 

One day I woke up and couldn't stand the smell of cigarettes anymore.  I just put them down, with no desire to ever smoke again.  Not long after, one day I went from drinking to not being able to stand the smell or taste of alcohol and never drinking again.  Completely confused, I was thankful, but bewildered.  Now my journey (where I could remember it!) began for good.  Before that it was a roller-coaster.  But because it needed to be.  Everything that happens, happens for a reason.  Furthermore (which I will go into more detail later), I chose this life.  So I can't be mad at anyone about what I have experienced.  I realize there is no "blame", no shame, no guilt, nothing.  I chose every awful experience, because I was to learn from it.  As I continued to repeat patterns, I kept getting them again. All of the bitching I did (sorry about the language, but that is exactly what it was).... I wondered every day why I kept finding losers or people who would betray me, take advantage of my good will.... when all along, it was me. I met some great people, but they served their purpose in my "lessons to learn".  They were not ready to learn theirs yet, so I had to end the relationship.  I have learned that just because someone is not ready to learn their lesson, it is not my responsibility.  It just is not time for them.  That is out of my control.  I can do my part, give them the tools to learn, but I can't force it down their throat.  For some, I just have to walk away, as they are not even open to learning to start with.  For those who are, I will do what I can, then let go.  I will learn what I am to learn though.  As I "stop" making the same mistakes repeatedly and learn from them, then I stop being presented with those same scenarios.  I move on to the next "lesson" :) If I don't learn, I get it repeatedly to deal with, until I learn and no longer need to be taught that lesson.  

Now, I will explain more, but it is going to take me some time, as there is an exorbitant amount of information to write.  I will do so in stages, and try not to beat a dead horse or ramble too much! See you next time!

Oh yeah, another cool thing... there is no more fear! 
 
 
First appointment with neurofeedback today. I went with open mind, didn't take my anxiety meds, and did my normal day up to then, one cup of coffee (since that makes my anxiety worse, something I have to deal with, although I have cut out most coffee because of that). Usually I have to take anxiety meds just to leave my place & go out in public, drive, whatever.  I expected, and was ready, to take my anxiety meds after, while having to drive and to get back home, etc.  Weird though.  I was able to go to the appointment, do the "session" and I left, had anxiety, but didn't feel unbalanced & out of control as I usually do.  So I decided to wait a bit, and see how I did and what triggers I felt, and so on. I went by and visited my boyfriend at work for a bit, grabbed some food, then stopped by K-Mart on way home, partially to avoid 5pm traffic hour.  In the parking lot, I had my first "panic attack", when a woman was having some major issue & I picked up on it... I felt she was dramatizing, which made me reserved, so I waited in my car & "shook it off".  She was "ok", which was in question, but I already knew that, just had to wait and make sure, because why would a woman act like that with two impressionable children with her? Same reason many selfish people do, for attention.  Now I am glad I followed my intuition and kept my distance.  I still went inside the store, which normally, I would not have been able to do.  A panic attack for me rules me & takes over.  I walked the store with a buggy & looked at tons of stuff, while traffic rush hour traffic went on outside, without me.  I had a couple episodes inside the store, but each time was able to deal with each anxiety issue on my own, without meds, and get through it.  I've not been able to do this in years.  I walked past alcohol, with no desire, which normally, I am so "over the top" with my anxiety and being overwhelmed, that I would want to "numb" and make it go away.  I have not had a cigarette in two days, only one then, and even though I wanted one, I have been able to get past that too.  I arrived home like between 7-8 p.m. and actually felt the most "balanced" that I have in umpteen years.  My anxiety controls me.  Today, I controlled it, with success, for the first time in forever.  I made another appointment for Monday morning, after morning rush traffic, then I have a dental appointment.  I have a "social" meeting to attend with "people" out in public on Sunday, so this is all going to be a huge test for me.  But if I can stay strong & in control like this, I am soooo on my way to accomplishing something that I have not been able to do myself, and overcoming issues that have plagued me for years and years.  This is my first step towards a healthy life again.  The possibilities if this works for me are endless..... so keep you posted on my progress!  

On another note, it is no fun watching TV programs or movies anymore, as I know everything before it happens.... I was watching TV with my sweet boyfriend the other night & kept saying in advance how everything was going to go, and remember making the comment at the end "I bet you hate watching stuff with me lately, because I keep saying everything out loud before it happens".  He was sweet enough not to agree.  Tonight I watched several shows & did that through every one of them, and realized that it was boring, because it took all of the fun out of the show, knowing everything in advance.  So, now I need something more fun & creative to stimulate my minds.  Usually I watch stuff that I have to figure out, that stretches my brain, but even that is not a challenge anymore....

In addition, this week I have been hypersensitive to sound, light, smells, everything.  I have had migraines again for the first time in a year.  My senses are way over the top, which has caused me to withdraw even more.  I have been in hyper-drive, working on websites and doing technological stuff, and it has made it worse apparently.  But, even today, after my session, even though those things are a nuisance, they are tolerable.  Wow, am I impressed and pleased.  :)  If I keep progressing, I will be posting a link to this guy for those in this area who can benefit from his help!
 
 
My energy over the last few weeks has been SO upside down.  One minute I am normal, next minute I am "whacko", then round and round I go, up then down.... Keep this up and maybe I will get used to it! One upside, right? Actually, that is kind of true.  The more I have to experience this, the more I learn, the more I hope to get a handle on it.  Some days I think I have it kicked.  Then within an hour I am going whacko.  So, I have learned not to take the good for granted anymore that all is good, and be prepared, be stronger and pay attention, so that I can establish a cycle for myself, triggers and overcome them better with each experience. 

I have done much better with negative energy and even groups of many energies.  Normally, both would cause me major issues, but I am doing baby steps and making some progress it seems.  Either that or I am just severely mis-guided.  lol   No really, a large group of mixed energies would wear me out for days.  Negatives would drain me for days.  Outside energy, same.  But just in the last few weeks, even with me being in "energy" turmoil, I can see a difference.  Yes, some days I have an awful time with it.  But on a whole, I am dealing somewhat better.  What used to take 5-6 days to recoup, is down to a day or two, depending.  Last week I was busy with multiple energy issues (i.e. groups, meetings, appointments, outside/daytime energy, etc) and I bounced back so much better than I have in the past! Yay, progress (positive thoughts for sure)!  And no matter what was thrown at me, I overcame it with much more ease and less stress.  I have to say that I really think taking the Reiki classes have really made a huge difference, even subconsciously, how I deal with things.  I also have come to the point of realizing that my "stuff" is coming up, and it is time to deal with it all... my past, my issues, who knows what all is there.  But, I feel so positive about the progress I have made and know I can overcome and deal with it. 

My entire outlook has changed.  I don't feel the triggers emotionally that I did, even as recent as a couple weeks ago.  I have learned to trust my intuition, the signs of pre-cognition, and to let go of the negative things in my past that I am conscious of.  The blame for others and the self blame have to be forgiven and let go before we can grow and move on. 

   
 
 
Boy, I was on a writing kick last night, obviously.  I need to learn not to write after I take my sleeping meds and am waiting to pass out.  I was just writing & writing, about anything & everything that flowed out my fingers.  Oh well, even though it's not perfect, I will leave it, and now you have seen barely a teeny-tiny eeny-weeny itty-bitty part of my early life.  That doesn't even touch on things, but hey, it's enough right now, right?


 
 
I know I have a long way to go, but I am evolving, growing, learning.  My mechanism for dealing with people who said hateful, hurtful things was to get upset, write them off, be done with them.  Lately, I have been working on myself, dealing with past relationships, working to forgive those who have hurt me in the past, and learning to say I am sorry for the part that I played in hurtful situations, no matter how warranted my actions might have been...

Tonight I realized that in my efforts to apologize, forgive, move on, that not everyone is accepting of my good will.  No matter if I am in a place of forgiveness, that they are not and it is their ignorance and own self-hatred that keeps them in that unhappy place.  So all I can do is what I can do on my end, is forgive and take responsibility for my actions and then just close that door and move on.  I do not have to associate with such people, that drama, that negative energy in my life.  I can move on in a good place, and leave it all behind.  I can work to repair myself, and what past is repairable, then the rest, just do my best in the most positive way and keep going on my journey.  I am my responsibility.  I am accountable for my actions.  Am I perfect? No way. Am I a good person? Damn right.  Am I smart enough to know the difference? Sure am! 

My entire life, I have dealt with abuse, every way, shape & form.  I was molested for many years, beaten worse than any person should ever suffer, but am learning that the mental abuse is soooo much worse, harder to realize, harder to find an answer, and so much harder to get away from and then to overcome the damage done, wow.... that is a whole different story. 

I thought that I had come through all of that, and by opening up, talking about it, journaling my thoughts, and trying to change what kept me repeating my adult relationships and ending back in an abusive situation. Get strong, big walls, "I am tough" and by dealing with it and toughening up in order to function, I did and kept going strong.

I left home at 15 years old (my 3rd time leaving) due to living at home in an abusive home (every way possible). I had been working odd jobs since I was 13 years old.  I did inventory for a Parts Store at 13years old. Then 14-15 yrs old I took a babysitting job for a family of 2 beautiful boys.  I became family, and they became mine. I kept those children & integrated into that family for 2 years. Those kids were like my own.  But looking at paying rent & needing to survive, I could not live on the $40/week I got for taking care of the kids, and I spent every bit of it on gas driving them around! So I went to high school, took all advanced classes, and by end of my 11th grade year, I only needed like 1-1.5 credits to graduate.  I went to summer school to accelerate my credits, so that I could enter the DCT (work training program) my entire 12th grade year. Because I took those extra credits, I did not even have to show up at school my entire 12th grade year, and I got grades for my work. I got straight "A's", moved out and got an apartment at 15, to escape my abusive home, and to add one better, my abusive, obsessed, dangerous boyfriend of 2 years. Yeah, I had it all directions. I was like a ping pong ball being beat to hell and back.

The next year, wow, I moved like 8 times, hopping from place to place, as I had no where to go.... initially I started out paying a 1/3 of the bills in a cool apartment with my best friend and her mom.  The adventures I had while living there were some of the best in my life. I met the first man that I would fall in love with, intensely, unconditionally and forever. He taught me, showed me what a good relationship could be, treated me like a queen and he loved me, no matter what. But it was not meant to be, as I was too young, and he was so "free-spirited" and I was scared to give up my stability of a girl, on her own, 17 years old, working 2 jobs, singing in a band.... to just run off for love.. yes I wanted to run, I'd go anywhere with him, but my logical side said, "no, keep your feet on the ground".... so I had to stand there crying while I watched him walk away, heart broken.  We both were crying.... every moment with him is embedded in my memory and most special.

After he left, I started dating, as before him it was all abusive relationships.  I was still working several jobs & singing with the band, home hopping to keep a roof over my head, and I had to show up to my graduation and had not been physically to the school in over a year.  I was lucky enough to have an awesome, gorgeous guy take me to my graduation, both all decked out, we were the bomb! All of my relationships after "my first love" were short lived, as they were all dysfunctional in some way.  I didn't know what I wanted, and I was lost as a person, never having a place to live for long, running from my abusive "non-dad" (that's what I call the man they say is my father, who I since have found out is not, but no one will/can tell me who is, so I call him non).  Sad to say, but the best thing that ever happened to me was his death.  There was no way to keep my sanity, while continually being subjected to his alcoholic rantings, either chasing me down to try to make me go back home (in bed) with him, or standing at the door with a shotgun threatening to blow my brains out, showing up at my job yelling in his drunken stupor that he was gonna take me home to sleep with him.  One time he found me walking to my sisters and chased me down the street in his truck. I was barefoot and jumped a ditch and ran up between two buildings to hide. He was so drunk he crashed into the ditch.  I had to stay hidden on the ground, behind a building for 4-5 hours, until they got him out of there and I could safely come out.  So yes, next relationship, was abusive.  Then I got pregnant.  I then realized it wasn't about me anymore.  My child had to come first and be raised properly, giving him as much as I could, and never let him suffer emotionally, to the best of my ability.  Things were definitely rough, but he was a beautiful child that was so special and worth doing without, dealing with crap to get him to where I needed him to be.  I had seen totally dysfunctional and was going to prote
 
 
Wow, don't wanna jinx myself, but I woke up today feeling awesome! I have "operated" this week a few days in "daytime" energy, and have done so much better.  Yes, outlook is a lot of it, but withdrawing again for enough down-time has helped tremendously too.  I opened the blinds and screen door to let in sunlight and the breezes from outside, which is EXTREMELY unlike me, as I tend to shut outside out 364 days of the year.  Super sensitive to light, etc and with my allergies, I usually can't do that, but today, for some reason, feel great with it.  I put on my "boom boom" music, which is a huge spirit lifter :) and have lots to do today, so gonna get things done! 

Back soon! Getting busy :)
 
 
Well, it has taken me months of watching "Psychic Kids", and other shows and dealing one-on-one with those who help in the area of fears & energies to figure out that my biggest problem is me.  Now that I have known that for a bit, understanding & overcoming are two different things.  I understand that my anxiety comes from something from when I was a child, but is also fed and made worse by fear.  My fears make my anxieties worse.  So facing my fears then I should be able to decrease my anxieties.  Right? Right, but easier said than done.  I have started "journaling" and watching many different things, what affects me in what ways, and how I react, when my anxiety is worse and what is causing it, for the reason of dealing with those fears to overcome that anxiety.  I AM making progress, although slow at times, yet still progress, and sometimes I "fall" backwards, but know that I am still moving in a forward motion.  Hey, those things we let run our lives need to go!  I am realizing more and more that I do have more control than I thought and by watching others reactions, fears, etc, it helps me learn about myself and my own issues.  Fun, huh? lol  Necessary, most definitely!  Am I strong enough, dang right!  Is it going to be easy, nope, but can I do it? Yep, without a doubt! :)
 
 
Wow, what a rough week, energy-wise.  I have worked so hard to control the energy affecting me, with great success up until this last week.  And boy, what a doozy! 

Up until last week, I had been able to "reverse" my days and nights, so that I could be awake when the energy levels were lower and sleeping during the day when the energy levels were at the highest.  But, in a huge effort to TRY and find a job, I had interviews scheduled both in the early morning and afternoon, driving in traffic for 30-45 minutes one way, every day, and also working on fixing computers with massive viruses, and few other appointments, kept me going every day, all day, and sometimes into the evening.  Then on Friday, as I am driving home, wondering why I am "freaking" out so badly, I look up and low and behold, a friggin full moon.  So, not only did I have daytime energy to deal with, but a full moon to boot.  See I have like a five day time around a full moon that my energy goes whacky.  Usually I find it is a couple days before, the day of, and a couple days after.  I never know when a full moon is in advance, but never fails, every dang month.

Luckily it was an experience I needed to go through in order to figure out how to change.  I need to learn a better way to deal with day-time energies.  I really want to find a job, evening hours would be awesome, but I've done day shift for years, so I can do that again if I need.  I just want to find something I like and can be happy doing with a good company & working atmosphere. 

I am finding that people are not what they seem.  Even for an empath, some are really really good at what they do.  I have met many with gifts that abuse those gifts to do harm to others either intentionally or unintentionally.  Narcissists, emotional vampires, they pray on those of us that are truly out there to help others.  I am using more caution these days with people.  I am not letting many close, as I have found it just drains me too much and causes more problems than good.  Sad to say.  I tend to just do better on my own, majority of the time.  There are a couple that have been good along the way.  And my boyfriend is the best.  This is the first relationship in my life that gets better as we are together.  All of my relationships prior continually diminished over time, whereas this one is healthy and I am happier with him.  I used to hate to spend time with someone, as they drive me crazy.  He can too, cuz that is just me, but he is a good man and it is not the same.  People being around too much just tend to drive me crazy.  I need my space, my down-time.  Just the way I am.  He and I always have fun together though and his positive energy distracts me from the negative energy around me when we are out and about.  Granted, every once in awhile it's still a problem, but usually in large crowds/groups.  I still try not to get out in day-time energy too early, and avoid heavy traffic times, busy stores, etc.  But it is nice to know that he can still make me feel good in a place I would not be if I were with someone else or alone.  That is a special trait and a very special man. :)
 
 
Wow, it's been over a month since I posted!  Where to start...

Well I am learning alot, growing so much and overcoming things that I want to overcome in my everyday life.  I have truly found that being positive and focusing in that direction brings positivity to our lives.  Focusing on negatives, then that is what we get too.  So, I would much rather live positive, than negative.  And our outlook truly manifests in how we project!

I am still on a reversed schedule (night/day).  I prefer that actually.  But on the days that I have to be a "day" person, I am, I would just rather live in my night time world.  I used to get punished as a child for being a night person.  Mentally and physically. As an adult on this journey I have learned that it's just what I am and what works best for me. :)

I have been focusing on the positive, paying attention to people that come and go in my life and ridding myself of the drama and bullcrap.  Life is not meant to be unhappy!  Worrying just creates us additional problems, and is needless negative energy.  Those that I deal with or come across who prefer to be negative, even the ones "great" at hiding their negative crap behind the intentions of doing good, don't need to be in my life.  I am finally able to identify the narcissists, negatives, etc. and am so much stronger in how I deal with that. 

My gifts are evolving again.  I have gotten much stronger in many areas.  I go to sleep every night with a meditation CD on continual repeat and sleep with headphones on.  The cool things are what I experience because of this both during my sleep and during the day.  My favorite is a "Chakras Healing Meditation CD" that I purchased a few months ago.  It rocks! When I sleep with it going, I dream great things (I actually remember my dreams now!), astral travel, you name it.  When I take them off, my dreams go the other direction and they are not as positive and I tend to have more nightmares.  I have woken myself up talking and having full conversations in my sleep!  I have noticed HUGE change in the last month since I started doing that.

I have found that for the first time, my relationship with my guy is the best ever.  This is the first relationship that I have had that actually gets better with time rather than worse.  That his huge in itself!  I love him tremendously and he is so wonderful to me.  I have come so far!

My focus now is still my group and a job that I am happy at and can pay my bills.  Oh and first and foremost, me!  To continue to focus on the positive and grow, grow, grow!  I completely my Level 1 Reiki class, and got my certificate to practice Reiki.  I plan on doing level 2 in the next few weeks and the master class within the next month or 2.  Yay!

Life is not perfect, but it is what we make it!