I am SO exited at literally EVERYTHING!
I sure can tell a difference in "life" when my energy changes. Last month my most awesome boyfriend treated us to our first real vacation in beautiful, sunny Florida for 9 days. I have found that my "mind" interferes with everything. It promotes the "negative energy" thoughts, thoughts of failure, money issues, stressors, breaking down every little thing. I have learned that I HAVE to get out of my mind and when I stay in my heart, life is so perfect! Decisions are easier, as I follow my heart and my sixth sense/intuition. I realize that I cannot exist both in my mind (intellect/ego) and my heart at the same time. My mind wants to control. My heart knows no control, and I just "am". I am accepting of myself and others. My mind brings judgement and expectation of disappointment. My heart knows that everything is perfect as it is. That everything happens as it should, as it is meant to be. And we cannot control that!
The only bad thing about vacation was coming home! lol It was so nice to forget everything and just "be". Once home I had a huge energy shift and apparently was so "open" after some serious "soul" work and being with nature/free, that re-adjusting was a huge thing for me. On top of that it was an eclipse & new moon. Whew! The wonderful thing is that I have learned how to "disconnect" myself from everything (people, computers, phones) and my down time is no longer "hiding" but is now a way for me to shift my vibration back up, focus on cutting cords, releasing anything I have picked up and clear my energy field. What a huge difference from the girl who ran from everything and needed alcohol to escape from everything, not realizing that was opening me up more and making it all worse/compounded. Good thing is that it was part of my journey, didn't kill me (came close a few times), and I was able to transcend that to a higher realm.
I have been reading (yes, the girl who does not read has been a book junkie). Reading everything I can get my hands on. I am hungry for knowledge for the first time ever. I absorb everything there is on the spiritual level. I am like a sponge. I have clarity for the first time as to my soul purpose. No more confusion, floundering about. I am focused and thank my guides for helping me grow and achieve everything in order to do my work and to help others. I am truly blessed.
My energy over the last few weeks has been SO upside down. One minute I am normal, next minute I am "whacko", then round and round I go, up then down.... Keep this up and maybe I will get used to it! One upside, right? Actually, that is kind of true. The more I have to experience this, the more I learn, the more I hope to get a handle on it. Some days I think I have it kicked. Then within an hour I am going whacko. So, I have learned not to take the good for granted anymore that all is good, and be prepared, be stronger and pay attention, so that I can establish a cycle for myself, triggers and overcome them better with each experience.
I have done much better with negative energy and even groups of many energies. Normally, both would cause me major issues, but I am doing baby steps and making some progress it seems. Either that or I am just severely mis-guided. lol No really, a large group of mixed energies would wear me out for days. Negatives would drain me for days. Outside energy, same. But just in the last few weeks, even with me being in "energy" turmoil, I can see a difference. Yes, some days I have an awful time with it. But on a whole, I am dealing somewhat better. What used to take 5-6 days to recoup, is down to a day or two, depending. Last week I was busy with multiple energy issues (i.e. groups, meetings, appointments, outside/daytime energy, etc) and I bounced back so much better than I have in the past! Yay, progress (positive thoughts for sure)! And no matter what was thrown at me, I overcame it with much more ease and less stress. I have to say that I really think taking the Reiki classes have really made a huge difference, even subconsciously, how I deal with things. I also have come to the point of realizing that my "stuff" is coming up, and it is time to deal with it all... my past, my issues, who knows what all is there. But, I feel so positive about the progress I have made and know I can overcome and deal with it.
My entire outlook has changed. I don't feel the triggers emotionally that I did, even as recent as a couple weeks ago. I have learned to trust my intuition, the signs of pre-cognition, and to let go of the negative things in my past that I am conscious of. The blame for others and the self blame have to be forgiven and let go before we can grow and move on.
Wow, don't wanna jinx myself, but I woke up today feeling awesome! I have "operated" this week a few days in "daytime" energy, and have done so much better. Yes, outlook is a lot of it, but withdrawing again for enough down-time has helped tremendously too. I opened the blinds and screen door to let in sunlight and the breezes from outside, which is EXTREMELY unlike me, as I tend to shut outside out 364 days of the year. Super sensitive to light, etc and with my allergies, I usually can't do that, but today, for some reason, feel great with it. I put on my "boom boom" music, which is a huge spirit lifter :) and have lots to do today, so gonna get things done!
Back soon! Getting busy :)
Well, it has taken me months of watching "Psychic Kids", and other shows and dealing one-on-one with those who help in the area of fears & energies to figure out that my biggest problem is me. Now that I have known that for a bit, understanding & overcoming are two different things. I understand that my anxiety comes from something from when I was a child, but is also fed and made worse by fear. My fears make my anxieties worse. So facing my fears then I should be able to decrease my anxieties. Right? Right, but easier said than done. I have started "journaling" and watching many different things, what affects me in what ways, and how I react, when my anxiety is worse and what is causing it, for the reason of dealing with those fears to overcome that anxiety. I AM making progress, although slow at times, yet still progress, and sometimes I "fall" backwards, but know that I am still moving in a forward motion. Hey, those things we let run our lives need to go! I am realizing more and more that I do have more control than I thought and by watching others reactions, fears, etc, it helps me learn about myself and my own issues. Fun, huh? lol Necessary, most definitely! Am I strong enough, dang right! Is it going to be easy, nope, but can I do it? Yep, without a doubt! :)
Wow, what a rough week, energy-wise. I have worked so hard to control the energy affecting me, with great success up until this last week. And boy, what a doozy!
Up until last week, I had been able to "reverse" my days and nights, so that I could be awake when the energy levels were lower and sleeping during the day when the energy levels were at the highest. But, in a huge effort to TRY and find a job, I had interviews scheduled both in the early morning and afternoon, driving in traffic for 30-45 minutes one way, every day, and also working on fixing computers with massive viruses, and few other appointments, kept me going every day, all day, and sometimes into the evening. Then on Friday, as I am driving home, wondering why I am "freaking" out so badly, I look up and low and behold, a friggin full moon. So, not only did I have daytime energy to deal with, but a full moon to boot. See I have like a five day time around a full moon that my energy goes whacky. Usually I find it is a couple days before, the day of, and a couple days after. I never know when a full moon is in advance, but never fails, every dang month.
Luckily it was an experience I needed to go through in order to figure out how to change. I need to learn a better way to deal with day-time energies. I really want to find a job, evening hours would be awesome, but I've done day shift for years, so I can do that again if I need. I just want to find something I like and can be happy doing with a good company & working atmosphere.
I am finding that people are not what they seem. Even for an empath, some are really really good at what they do. I have met many with gifts that abuse those gifts to do harm to others either intentionally or unintentionally. Narcissists, emotional vampires, they pray on those of us that are truly out there to help others. I am using more caution these days with people. I am not letting many close, as I have found it just drains me too much and causes more problems than good. Sad to say. I tend to just do better on my own, majority of the time. There are a couple that have been good along the way. And my boyfriend is the best. This is the first relationship in my life that gets better as we are together. All of my relationships prior continually diminished over time, whereas this one is healthy and I am happier with him. I used to hate to spend time with someone, as they drive me crazy. He can too, cuz that is just me, but he is a good man and it is not the same. People being around too much just tend to drive me crazy. I need my space, my down-time. Just the way I am. He and I always have fun together though and his positive energy distracts me from the negative energy around me when we are out and about. Granted, every once in awhile it's still a problem, but usually in large crowds/groups. I still try not to get out in day-time energy too early, and avoid heavy traffic times, busy stores, etc. But it is nice to know that he can still make me feel good in a place I would not be if I were with someone else or alone. That is a special trait and a very special man. :)
Last night while hanging with other psychic and empathic friends, the negatives I have "rid" myself of "attacked" all of us here. Thank goodness for a very psychic and great friend, because when it happened, I spoke out about the mental and physical "thing" I was experienced, which became extremely bad for me. The woman next to me at the same moment said, almost in unison, that she too was experiencing "something" awful, and our other friend immediately knew we were being attacked. We all knew by who, as the "little group of people" who were doing it had attacked her here just a bit earlier and she had to deal with them. So, it took all three of us to jump in and use several techniques that we had recently learned in order to shield and put a stop to what they were doing to us. Thanks to her strong guides, they also jumped in, because in order to protect her, they had to protect us. Yay, that we were all together when it happened, and yay that we were strong enough together with all of our gifts to deal with that situation. Alone, I would not have known what was going on with me, and possibly would have had an impossible time dealing with it. Not only did we overcome, but we were able to clear the negative energy that they had left behind, which allowed them to re-enter and attack. Now that their bad energy is gone, I am taking precautions to avoid that from being able to happen again. If it does, I will be better prepared and know how to handle that type of situation on my own.
I have really learned to appreciate my boyfriend. We have been through so much together, and one of those things was him not being accepting of my gifts for the 1st part of our relationship. We had to separate for a bit, to both realize how important we were to each other, and what was important as far as we were concerned. Things are much different now, this time around. The first thing that brought us back together was when I felt his heart open up, finally, instead of being closed off. He is so very different. He also accepts me and my gifts and tries so hard to support me, learn about what I am going through, and that is very important to someone like us with these things. Every day is different. We never know when something is going to "kick" in. There is no switch to turn anything on or off. It is always there, but some days are worse than others (or better).
Some days I am so extremely empathic, some times I am experience psychic abilities (many different ones, not just one), and to learn to deal with this and control how I deal with it has become a daily struggle for me. I love knowing why I am so different know, and why I always have been, but I still am learning about myself and my gifts, as are others around me, and having a support system of others like me is so very important. I have found that going into a public situation for me is virtually impossible most of the time. Having others like me to go to things together is awesome. There is safety and validation at the same time. Not to say that I don't still have issues dealing with things on my way or once I am there, but it is so much easier to deal with when others like me are there to share in similar experiences. It is also so very cool to hear someone else's experiences and outlook on a situation. I have had many negative experiences, especially if I go somewhere where there is a lot of people, because there is always going to be negatives there. I have learned not to intentionally put myself in those situations, and to not attend anything that might put me over the edge. Surrounding myself with other positives helps so much, as the energy around me is more positive, helping me not focus as much on the negative energy that I feel. I have also learned to listen to my intuition, guides, whatever it is. I tend to manifest negative energy into physical conditions. If the negativity is really close in proximity, or huge in numbers, I will have an anxiety attack and get sick on my stomach, sometimes to the point of debilitation. I have felt this prior to an event, causing me to avoid that event, by listening to my intuition/guides and physical symptoms. Sometimes I just feel the negativity and know what is coming. Sometimes I have to have an episode before I understand it. Learning how I react both before and during this type situation, helps me see how to better deal with it in the future and also strive to find new techniques to deal with these type energies.
The atmospheric energy for the last few months has been so overwhelming. Some days are fine, others are way too much. I have found, by accident, that reversing my days and nights, by sleeping during the day and staying up at night has helped me tremendously. On the occasion I have had to go back to a normal person's schedule of daytime activity and trying to sleep at night, that I don't do nearly as well at all. I found that the energy during the day, especially during the work-week when the energy is highest, that I have to sleep through. At night the energy levels are lower, while people sleep, traffic is nil, then I am at peace, calmer, my anxiety is lower and I can actually accomplish things with a clearer head. I tested this by reversing my days/nights several different times over the last few weeks. Every time I am up during the day, I still have a hard time sleeping at night, but the days are way too overwhelming for me. Even stepping outside on my patio is too much. I have to come right back inside and I have to take more anxiety medicine to function. When I sleep through the energy, I awake feeling so much better. This does pose a problem though as I can't live my life this way, unless I go to working a night job (being around people is still an issue). I always wondered why I was like this, a night person. Now I know. This is a trait that is common amongst people like us with gifts or who are sensitives.
So, now that I have that little tidbit figured out, I have to figure out how to function in this world. So now that is another thing for me to deal with. lol But, I am happy to figure this out about myself, as it's been rough not knowing what was wrong with me in that area.
I have also found that if I have to go to the store, for instance, if I go with someone that is positive and distracts me, I don't tend to have as many problems in places like that. I am able to shield better, rather than if I go in the daytime by myself. That is a disaster in itself. Going at night and with someone else, sure helps out so very much.
So, yes, I have come so far with my gifts. But, no I still have to figure so much out. Everyday is a new learning experience and sometimes it takes me days/weeks/months of trial and error to be able to look back and see what is going on with me and what I have to do to change or correct the problem. Do I always know the answer? No way, but I do like being able to understand, even if I still have to work towards the goal of finding the answer.