What to say, but then, it all just kind of flows out on its own.  Regardless of what I want others to see or read.... having these "gifts" that sometimes are VERY rough to deal with... and having to function in a "normal" world... doesn't seem possible many days.  Only meant by saying that I am so different... one of a kind, for sure... sometimes that is great and sometimes it is so well, like we are never one of a kind, even tho we know we are different.  For me, I am special, but we all sabotage ourselves, in so many ways. 

I have fallen in love a couple/few times and it is usually instantly.  But they are not the ones I end up with, normally, but yet with the ones I have "to save"... and those are the ones that are so bad for me, can hurt me, physically and emotionally, as we always end up with the one who reminds us of the ones in our life that hurt us the most (mother/father)... with the same traits, no matter how hard we try.  And we do try, I "watched/studied" people, and knew what triggers, what made them tick, what they thought as they walked by in a mall or  sat across from me in a crowded bar as I "people watched".  Those I have loved, sometimes they knew it, sooner or later, but sometimes they didn't..  We all have the same traits, in many ways... we can see past the bull in people to "know" them, even if they don't know themselves, we do.  We also can fall "out of love" as quickly, but are they ever gone? No is the answer. We always love them with all of our heart.

This will probably  be my longest blog, being my first, I will probably write like tons, then, later, slack off, back down some, depending on the day.  

I am not a day person, like most like us, but a night person.  When the energy is lowest, and most area asleep, we are at our best, functionality-wise.  People bring us pain, negativity, for the most part, until we learn to control it.  For me, I have not.  I am a severe introvert, on most days of the week, which is debilitating.  Other days, with the right stimulation, I am an extreme extrovert.  When I extend myself too much or are too extroverted, I have the need for severe downtime.  I have a fear of the world.  I am hyper-sensitive to smells, noises, light... yes I have ascension symptoms, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, migraines, you name it, I have it.  Oh and severe anxiety, which controls me.  I have done many things to overcome, yet, most times I am worse off daily than I was before.  My boyfriend, he tries so hard to get me out into the world, and has come to finally accept my abilities, yet they still keep me hidden from the world, because the negativity is way too big for me at this point.

I took over a group for this stuff and have grown it from 17-79 in like 9 months.  But still have problems dealing with the negatives.  I am getting stronger, realizing my abilities, and can over come them.  I know I am stronger that many, but still "retreat" to protect myself.  My group has been a life-saver for me, from the very first time that I went to a meeting, to when I took over by default, and it turned into a "safe haven" for those of us alike in abilities.  We are the only empath etc group within 100 miles.  Yet, I still have to deal with those who mean harm or negativity to those in our group, that have the same or other abilities, but I am strong enough to do so.

I have been married multiple times, to the wrong men.  All abusive, in some way shape or form.  One a narcissist who can't accept responsibility for his own actions, has a personality disorder (borderline personalities), which carries over into my "real" life, with those in my group that possess the same qualities that I have to and will deal with.

As I type, I play music that touches my soul... many genres... Boom Boom Boom by the Black Eyed Peas... (which all of their songs rock, they are my favorite).... puts me in a happy place.

For those who I have fallen in love with instantly... one a hitchhiker who truly loved me, who taught me everything I know, who taught me the true meaning of love, and I had to let go at the ripe age of 18.. then a guy in the Army, who had an awesome soul/heart, but the inability to communicate or love (which I have been told by psychics close to me that it's not over and we share previous lives together). Then the one I am with, who loves me unconditionally, and is a true heart and soul, and with my self-sabotage I run the risk of losing on a daily basis.  Then there was one guy in a bar, we had one night, same as Army man, which he let go of his soul for one night, but did not have the ability to be there future-wise. So for those I have loved.

Why can songs bring me to tears, when much nothing else can... except for my pain I cause the one closest to me now? As I type I cry...

I feel the need to close for the minute... dunno if I will be back in few minutes, or a few days.. and I am sorry for now that I can't share my real identity, but I have to protect myself, for now, but not for long I hope...

For those of you out there, like me, that suffer from pain, anxiety, and other issues, (depression, etc.), we can overcome, just be patient.

Learn meditation, learn to take care of us... we can do it, we are just trying to figure out how?