Back soon! Getting busy :)
Wow, don't wanna jinx myself, but I woke up today feeling awesome! I have "operated" this week a few days in "daytime" energy, and have done so much better. Yes, outlook is a lot of it, but withdrawing again for enough down-time has helped tremendously too. I opened the blinds and screen door to let in sunlight and the breezes from outside, which is EXTREMELY unlike me, as I tend to shut outside out 364 days of the year. Super sensitive to light, etc and with my allergies, I usually can't do that, but today, for some reason, feel great with it. I put on my "boom boom" music, which is a huge spirit lifter :) and have lots to do today, so gonna get things done!
Back soon! Getting busy :)
Well, it has taken me months of watching "Psychic Kids", and other shows and dealing one-on-one with those who help in the area of fears & energies to figure out that my biggest problem is me. Now that I have known that for a bit, understanding & overcoming are two different things. I understand that my anxiety comes from something from when I was a child, but is also fed and made worse by fear. My fears make my anxieties worse. So facing my fears then I should be able to decrease my anxieties. Right? Right, but easier said than done. I have started "journaling" and watching many different things, what affects me in what ways, and how I react, when my anxiety is worse and what is causing it, for the reason of dealing with those fears to overcome that anxiety. I AM making progress, although slow at times, yet still progress, and sometimes I "fall" backwards, but know that I am still moving in a forward motion. Hey, those things we let run our lives need to go! I am realizing more and more that I do have more control than I thought and by watching others reactions, fears, etc, it helps me learn about myself and my own issues. Fun, huh? lol Necessary, most definitely! Am I strong enough, dang right! Is it going to be easy, nope, but can I do it? Yep, without a doubt! :)
Wow, what a rough week, energy-wise. I have worked so hard to control the energy affecting me, with great success up until this last week. And boy, what a doozy!
Up until last week, I had been able to "reverse" my days and nights, so that I could be awake when the energy levels were lower and sleeping during the day when the energy levels were at the highest. But, in a huge effort to TRY and find a job, I had interviews scheduled both in the early morning and afternoon, driving in traffic for 30-45 minutes one way, every day, and also working on fixing computers with massive viruses, and few other appointments, kept me going every day, all day, and sometimes into the evening. Then on Friday, as I am driving home, wondering why I am "freaking" out so badly, I look up and low and behold, a friggin full moon. So, not only did I have daytime energy to deal with, but a full moon to boot. See I have like a five day time around a full moon that my energy goes whacky. Usually I find it is a couple days before, the day of, and a couple days after. I never know when a full moon is in advance, but never fails, every dang month.
Luckily it was an experience I needed to go through in order to figure out how to change. I need to learn a better way to deal with day-time energies. I really want to find a job, evening hours would be awesome, but I've done day shift for years, so I can do that again if I need. I just want to find something I like and can be happy doing with a good company & working atmosphere.
I am finding that people are not what they seem. Even for an empath, some are really really good at what they do. I have met many with gifts that abuse those gifts to do harm to others either intentionally or unintentionally. Narcissists, emotional vampires, they pray on those of us that are truly out there to help others. I am using more caution these days with people. I am not letting many close, as I have found it just drains me too much and causes more problems than good. Sad to say. I tend to just do better on my own, majority of the time. There are a couple that have been good along the way. And my boyfriend is the best. This is the first relationship in my life that gets better as we are together. All of my relationships prior continually diminished over time, whereas this one is healthy and I am happier with him. I used to hate to spend time with someone, as they drive me crazy. He can too, cuz that is just me, but he is a good man and it is not the same. People being around too much just tend to drive me crazy. I need my space, my down-time. Just the way I am. He and I always have fun together though and his positive energy distracts me from the negative energy around me when we are out and about. Granted, every once in awhile it's still a problem, but usually in large crowds/groups. I still try not to get out in day-time energy too early, and avoid heavy traffic times, busy stores, etc. But it is nice to know that he can still make me feel good in a place I would not be if I were with someone else or alone. That is a special trait and a very special man. :)
Wow, it's been over a month since I posted! Where to start...
Well I am learning alot, growing so much and overcoming things that I want to overcome in my everyday life. I have truly found that being positive and focusing in that direction brings positivity to our lives. Focusing on negatives, then that is what we get too. So, I would much rather live positive, than negative. And our outlook truly manifests in how we project!
I am still on a reversed schedule (night/day). I prefer that actually. But on the days that I have to be a "day" person, I am, I would just rather live in my night time world. I used to get punished as a child for being a night person. Mentally and physically. As an adult on this journey I have learned that it's just what I am and what works best for me. :)
I have been focusing on the positive, paying attention to people that come and go in my life and ridding myself of the drama and bullcrap. Life is not meant to be unhappy! Worrying just creates us additional problems, and is needless negative energy. Those that I deal with or come across who prefer to be negative, even the ones "great" at hiding their negative crap behind the intentions of doing good, don't need to be in my life. I am finally able to identify the narcissists, negatives, etc. and am so much stronger in how I deal with that.
My gifts are evolving again. I have gotten much stronger in many areas. I go to sleep every night with a meditation CD on continual repeat and sleep with headphones on. The cool things are what I experience because of this both during my sleep and during the day. My favorite is a "Chakras Healing Meditation CD" that I purchased a few months ago. It rocks! When I sleep with it going, I dream great things (I actually remember my dreams now!), astral travel, you name it. When I take them off, my dreams go the other direction and they are not as positive and I tend to have more nightmares. I have woken myself up talking and having full conversations in my sleep! I have noticed HUGE change in the last month since I started doing that.
I have found that for the first time, my relationship with my guy is the best ever. This is the first relationship that I have had that actually gets better with time rather than worse. That his huge in itself! I love him tremendously and he is so wonderful to me. I have come so far!
My focus now is still my group and a job that I am happy at and can pay my bills. Oh and first and foremost, me! To continue to focus on the positive and grow, grow, grow! I completely my Level 1 Reiki class, and got my certificate to practice Reiki. I plan on doing level 2 in the next few weeks and the master class within the next month or 2. Yay!
Life is not perfect, but it is what we make it!