Wow! Nothing like being woken up from a dead sleep by the TV blaring, when you are super hyper-sensitive to sounds/lights/everything sense-wise.... and on top of that, a channel with a woman screaming in labor! I am going to have to wear ear plugs 24/7 just to function it seems.  It reminded me of when my mom used to wake me up, out of spite, by opening all the windows and letting in the sun to make me wake up, and I'd get an instant migraine, and it would kill me.  The more I complained, the more she did it out of spite.  Then she decided to take a spray bottle of water and spray me in the face to wake me up... or pull me by the head of my hair down the hallway from my bedroom, screaming.... any one of those was hell for me... so needless to say, any instant noise, light, anything, sends me into instant migraines and oblivion of being severely pissed.

Yes, I was abused in every way shape and fashion as a child/teen.  Started before I can remember... physical, sexual, mental... you name it, I experienced it.  What is worse is when your mother puts you in that position, then "sacrifices you for her own selfishness.... but these are things I have had to come to accept and the one thing is it made me protect my child (yes to the point of over-protection, but worth it to me), to make sure he never experienced anything that I did.... I tried to give him enough love as mom & dad, since dad was lacking... always build up his self esteem, let him know how proud I was of him, never called him stupid... and when my health was bad, which was alot, told him to stay away from me when my blood pressure was up and I was at boiling point, so I would not lash out at him, just because I was going off the deep end.  I did the best I could with what I had.  A deadbeat dad (my son's), who is 45-50K behind on child support, putting him in the best of schools, giving him a great education, giving up great jobs for day jobs so I could raise my child and be there for him when I needed to be, until he was grown... but then that changed, because I kept meeting/ending up with the wrong men, and never got ahead... which is my fault... we don't understand our past sometimes until we can look back on it and see what we went through, where we ended up, and everything in between.... the experiences we had and why, as empaths we had them... I decided a few years ago I was not meant to be in relationships with men anymore, as I was way too different  and my relationships don't last or work.  Then one came along, that so far, has proven me wrong... funny, I always "accidentally" find them when I am not looking... which is always the best case, as when we are looking, we "settle" and always ends up badly... I told this one immediately, you cannot fall in love with me... I tried everything I could to push him away.   Didn't work, he stuck in there with me and although we have had our obstacles to overcome, like any other, he still does.  I fell in love with his kind heart and the fact that he loves me no matter what.  He has a positive/good soul.  For the first time, knowing what I am, I feel that I actually could have a future with someone, who accepts me as I am, with my abilities and supports me in every way.  It makes me want to be a better person for him.