First appointment with neurofeedback today. I went with open mind, didn't take my anxiety meds, and did my normal day up to then, one cup of coffee (since that makes my anxiety worse, something I have to deal with, although I have cut out most coffee because of that). Usually I have to take anxiety meds just to leave my place & go out in public, drive, whatever. I expected, and was ready, to take my anxiety meds after, while having to drive and to get back home, etc. Weird though. I was able to go to the appointment, do the "session" and I left, had anxiety, but didn't feel unbalanced & out of control as I usually do. So I decided to wait a bit, and see how I did and what triggers I felt, and so on. I went by and visited my boyfriend at work for a bit, grabbed some food, then stopped by K-Mart on way home, partially to avoid 5pm traffic hour. In the parking lot, I had my first "panic attack", when a woman was having some major issue & I picked up on it... I felt she was dramatizing, which made me reserved, so I waited in my car & "shook it off". She was "ok", which was in question, but I already knew that, just had to wait and make sure, because why would a woman act like that with two impressionable children with her? Same reason many selfish people do, for attention. Now I am glad I followed my intuition and kept my distance. I still went inside the store, which normally, I would not have been able to do. A panic attack for me rules me & takes over. I walked the store with a buggy & looked at tons of stuff, while traffic rush hour traffic went on outside, without me. I had a couple episodes inside the store, but each time was able to deal with each anxiety issue on my own, without meds, and get through it. I've not been able to do this in years. I walked past alcohol, with no desire, which normally, I am so "over the top" with my anxiety and being overwhelmed, that I would want to "numb" and make it go away. I have not had a cigarette in two days, only one then, and even though I wanted one, I have been able to get past that too. I arrived home like between 7-8 p.m. and actually felt the most "balanced" that I have in umpteen years. My anxiety controls me. Today, I controlled it, with success, for the first time in forever. I made another appointment for Monday morning, after morning rush traffic, then I have a dental appointment. I have a "social" meeting to attend with "people" out in public on Sunday, so this is all going to be a huge test for me. But if I can stay strong & in control like this, I am soooo on my way to accomplishing something that I have not been able to do myself, and overcoming issues that have plagued me for years and years. This is my first step towards a healthy life again. The possibilities if this works for me are endless..... so keep you posted on my progress!
On another note, it is no fun watching TV programs or movies anymore, as I know everything before it happens.... I was watching TV with my sweet boyfriend the other night & kept saying in advance how everything was going to go, and remember making the comment at the end "I bet you hate watching stuff with me lately, because I keep saying everything out loud before it happens". He was sweet enough not to agree. Tonight I watched several shows & did that through every one of them, and realized that it was boring, because it took all of the fun out of the show, knowing everything in advance. So, now I need something more fun & creative to stimulate my minds. Usually I watch stuff that I have to figure out, that stretches my brain, but even that is not a challenge anymore....
In addition, this week I have been hypersensitive to sound, light, smells, everything. I have had migraines again for the first time in a year. My senses are way over the top, which has caused me to withdraw even more. I have been in hyper-drive, working on websites and doing technological stuff, and it has made it worse apparently. But, even today, after my session, even though those things are a nuisance, they are tolerable. Wow, am I impressed and pleased. :) If I keep progressing, I will be posting a link to this guy for those in this area who can benefit from his help!
Last night while hanging with other psychic and empathic friends, the negatives I have "rid" myself of "attacked" all of us here. Thank goodness for a very psychic and great friend, because when it happened, I spoke out about the mental and physical "thing" I was experienced, which became extremely bad for me. The woman next to me at the same moment said, almost in unison, that she too was experiencing "something" awful, and our other friend immediately knew we were being attacked. We all knew by who, as the "little group of people" who were doing it had attacked her here just a bit earlier and she had to deal with them. So, it took all three of us to jump in and use several techniques that we had recently learned in order to shield and put a stop to what they were doing to us. Thanks to her strong guides, they also jumped in, because in order to protect her, they had to protect us. Yay, that we were all together when it happened, and yay that we were strong enough together with all of our gifts to deal with that situation. Alone, I would not have known what was going on with me, and possibly would have had an impossible time dealing with it. Not only did we overcome, but we were able to clear the negative energy that they had left behind, which allowed them to re-enter and attack. Now that their bad energy is gone, I am taking precautions to avoid that from being able to happen again. If it does, I will be better prepared and know how to handle that type of situation on my own.
I have really learned to appreciate my boyfriend. We have been through so much together, and one of those things was him not being accepting of my gifts for the 1st part of our relationship. We had to separate for a bit, to both realize how important we were to each other, and what was important as far as we were concerned. Things are much different now, this time around. The first thing that brought us back together was when I felt his heart open up, finally, instead of being closed off. He is so very different. He also accepts me and my gifts and tries so hard to support me, learn about what I am going through, and that is very important to someone like us with these things. Every day is different. We never know when something is going to "kick" in. There is no switch to turn anything on or off. It is always there, but some days are worse than others (or better).
Some days I am so extremely empathic, some times I am experience psychic abilities (many different ones, not just one), and to learn to deal with this and control how I deal with it has become a daily struggle for me. I love knowing why I am so different know, and why I always have been, but I still am learning about myself and my gifts, as are others around me, and having a support system of others like me is so very important. I have found that going into a public situation for me is virtually impossible most of the time. Having others like me to go to things together is awesome. There is safety and validation at the same time. Not to say that I don't still have issues dealing with things on my way or once I am there, but it is so much easier to deal with when others like me are there to share in similar experiences. It is also so very cool to hear someone else's experiences and outlook on a situation. I have had many negative experiences, especially if I go somewhere where there is a lot of people, because there is always going to be negatives there. I have learned not to intentionally put myself in those situations, and to not attend anything that might put me over the edge. Surrounding myself with other positives helps so much, as the energy around me is more positive, helping me not focus as much on the negative energy that I feel. I have also learned to listen to my intuition, guides, whatever it is. I tend to manifest negative energy into physical conditions. If the negativity is really close in proximity, or huge in numbers, I will have an anxiety attack and get sick on my stomach, sometimes to the point of debilitation. I have felt this prior to an event, causing me to avoid that event, by listening to my intuition/guides and physical symptoms. Sometimes I just feel the negativity and know what is coming. Sometimes I have to have an episode before I understand it. Learning how I react both before and during this type situation, helps me see how to better deal with it in the future and also strive to find new techniques to deal with these type energies.
The atmospheric energy for the last few months has been so overwhelming. Some days are fine, others are way too much. I have found, by accident, that reversing my days and nights, by sleeping during the day and staying up at night has helped me tremendously. On the occasion I have had to go back to a normal person's schedule of daytime activity and trying to sleep at night, that I don't do nearly as well at all. I found that the energy during the day, especially during the work-week when the energy is highest, that I have to sleep through. At night the energy levels are lower, while people sleep, traffic is nil, then I am at peace, calmer, my anxiety is lower and I can actually accomplish things with a clearer head. I tested this by reversing my days/nights several different times over the last few weeks. Every time I am up during the day, I still have a hard time sleeping at night, but the days are way too overwhelming for me. Even stepping outside on my patio is too much. I have to come right back inside and I have to take more anxiety medicine to function. When I sleep through the energy, I awake feeling so much better. This does pose a problem though as I can't live my life this way, unless I go to working a night job (being around people is still an issue). I always wondered why I was like this, a night person. Now I know. This is a trait that is common amongst people like us with gifts or who are sensitives.
So, now that I have that little tidbit figured out, I have to figure out how to function in this world. So now that is another thing for me to deal with. lol But, I am happy to figure this out about myself, as it's been rough not knowing what was wrong with me in that area.
I have also found that if I have to go to the store, for instance, if I go with someone that is positive and distracts me, I don't tend to have as many problems in places like that. I am able to shield better, rather than if I go in the daytime by myself. That is a disaster in itself. Going at night and with someone else, sure helps out so very much.
So, yes, I have come so far with my gifts. But, no I still have to figure so much out. Everyday is a new learning experience and sometimes it takes me days/weeks/months of trial and error to be able to look back and see what is going on with me and what I have to do to change or correct the problem. Do I always know the answer? No way, but I do like being able to understand, even if I still have to work towards the goal of finding the answer.